In
today's world, aren't we all addicted to something? Very few people these
days are moderate. We do things to excess, just because they feel good, and
we enjoy them. Yes, cigarettes are bad. Yes, they can be quit. Yes, you have
the willpower to stop it, so long as you really want to. However, addictions
don't go away. Call it the Law of Conservation of Obsession or something.
I mean, let's go over a list here of obsessions that either myself or people
I know well have developed, without even touching on the subject of drugs.
- Sex.
Big one. Lotsa people really like it. Causes a build up, tension, heightening
of emotional and physical senses, then a rapid release and relaxation.
- Food.
Produces serotonin responses in the brain, if my background serves me correctly.
Yeap, that's the same chemical that gets released en masse under the influence of ecstasy. And mmmm... The joy of a nice big steak, at least for the non-vegetarians...
- Sugar. A subset of the above, although a rather specific one. Talked about below. Also rather nasty.
- Passive Entertainment. TV. Movies. Two senses are being stimulated here, which makes things harder to deal with.
- Active Entertainment. Video games. Computers. Heh, this crowd is probably more susceptible to this addiction.
- And
something I've caught onto in myself just recently: Music. Try going a couple
days without it. I can't, without withdrawl symptoms.
- Exercise. Not necessarily bad, especially compared to some of the others, but it can be addicting as well.
- Gambling.
Anyone else remember the psychological experiments where by only rewarding
the subject randomly, they can convince it to respond to a stimulus for a
long time, in many cases adversely? With birds that literally pecked their
beaks off, mice that starved themselves pushing a button for a food pellet?
- Religion.
Had to add that one there. I'm semi-Christian, raised in the religion, and
sorta hazy on where I stand, keeping one foot there just for the sake of
being afraid of change. But again, it reaches obsession in some people, produces
rather profound, if only psychological, comforts and reassurances, and provides
mechanisms preventing the "addict" from withdrawl. This one I know first
hand.
What
I'm getting at is that we all have our addictions. I believe that very few
people out there who have none. It's merely a choice of the greater evil,
for the individual.
--
“I think that we should build a huge wall around
Iraq and then fill it with water. We'd have a great place to learn to water
ski, and it would make a cool story.” – Addicted to Music by alexdw, 01/17/2002 11:28:12 PM EST (3.00 / 1)
what does addiction feel like (4.00 / 2) (#53)
by tincat2 on Sat Jan 12th, 2002 at 04:35:30 AM EST
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i'd
like to try to contribute something here because i've been there long ago
in some respects and in others am still there. i'm not sure that "what does
addiction feel like ?" is the question to ask because among other things
if you don't know that you are addicted, i.e., you haven't felt the twinges
of withdrawl, then addiction doesn't have a feel. this thought is brought
mind by the comment on cutting out refined sugar for a time. i would not
have realized my own sugar addiction had i not gone on a low carb diet(no
sugar period starting now) and spent the next three days with the jitters
and consuming saltines by the box to moderate the craving. dependencies are
out there for all of us, even if we are like the hindu holymen in their dependency
upon being independent of it all. and yes, i am aware that the current psych-lingo
refines the definition of addiction into a psychological-physical dependency
to the detriment of an individual's ability to seek and to achieve socially
acceptable goals. beyond the questions raised by the real value of what is
considered acceptable or worthwhile(read john nash's autobiographical rap
on his own mental states and their relationship to those who labeled him
out there{perhaps justly so}) the interest here is on what does it feel like
to be strung out or hooked? all addictive behavior that i have practiced
seems to have at its root the desire to alleviate some type of anxiety, whether
it be an existential angst, or the need to fill up some time with a purpose,
or idleness with activity, or so on. the thing about it was that this soothing
of these various anxieties then turned into a much larger and more immediate
anxiety, that of obtaining a fix. that becomes life's goal and nothing supersedes
it in the case of the stronger attractions(heroin, nicotine, money and power
for some). it is as if you had consolidated your obligations into one payment
with an enormous interest rate. withdrawl is the enforcer and has its own
very effective physical and psychological devices to perpetuate the behavior.
which brings to mind, in conclusion, a comment upon the possibility for rehab,
as it is known. that is, and i heard my own judgment echoed by a junkie in
a european legal heroin treatment program, that when the necessity to spend
so much time in seeking illegal heroin was removed, he was able to assess
his predicament and to choose to wean himself away and to walk away from
a life he did not really want.
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I wrote the following piece while I was in the middle of giving up cigarettes. At the time it helped to have a rant.
So here's what it felt like for me, while I was in the middle of it all.
This all happened about a year ago and for the record, I made it. I'm no
longer a smoker.
-------
So here I am, trying to get some work done while dealing with nicotine
withdrawal. Yep, I'm trying to stop smoking. Working in a job that requires
thought is a really bad thing today. I wish I was packing boxes or something,
you know?
I've been a smoker for 12 years or so. Guess what? In that time, I have
NEVER gone longer than a couple of hours without a cigarette (not counting
sleep time, of course). It probably shows me up as the obsessive-compulsive
that I am to say that I have always planned things so I'd have my cigarettes.
I've rationed myself (I get paid in 24 hours and I have 10 cigarettes left
so if I can sleep for 10 hours I can have another one in 45 minutes), starved
myself to make sure I had enough money for cigarettes and I've gone though
my house and my car in incredible detail to find change (I have a theory
from the last time this happened - you can ALWAYS find five dollars if you
look hard
enough).
Of course, because of this obsession and ridiculous planning, I've never tasted withdrawal before.
My hands are shaking when I try to hold them still, my brain feels like
it's packed in cotton wool and I think my heart has the volume turned up
to eleven. No matter how much I drink, my tongue is dry. I contantly feel
like I need to eat, but I have no appetite. I want to kill people who ask
me stupid questions, and all questions are stupid.
Twelve years is an awful lot of habit. Being a smoker is one of those
things that starts to define you. It certainly shapes your life. Going out
of the house? Keys, check. Wallet, check. Lighter, check. Cigarettes, check.
OK, we can go now.
If I manage this, I'll be saying goodbye to a few things. That moment
of bonding you share with a stranger when you both step outside on a cold
winter night to light up, for one. The little built in alarm that makes you
go outside and take a break every hour or so. That beautiful red glow in
the dark. That one extra stimulant as you lurch into the daylight after not
enough sleep again.
Wondering what to do with the butt when standing in a friend's perfectly
organised garden. Looking to see if there is an ashtray on the table when
joining friends at a restaurant. Rushing to get out of the cinema.
Leaving a warm room to stand in the cold rain. Leaving a cool room to
stand under the blazing sun. Breathing in smoke in deep lungfuls as the train
pulls up.
All these things are so familiar to me. Twelve years - a lot happens
in twelve years. I've smoked at a High School in Boronia, hiding a lit cigarette
in my sleeve as a teacher walks past. I've smoked with gypsies in England
while watching their horses graze. I've smoked in Sydney, Canberra, Adelaide
and Brisbane. I've smoked in bed with people I loved. I've smoked bongs,
pipes and cigars. I've smoked while on the phone. I've smoked while reading.
I've smoked while watching television.
For twelve years, whatever I've done, my cigarettes have been with me.
Now I'm trying to put them aside. I'm trying to ignore twelve years of habit
and it's hell.
All I can do is keep distracting myself until the cravings go away ... I'm told that they will.
Distractions are all that I have. I can distract myself for five minutes.
For thirty seconds. For half an hour. Distractions get me through the day.
You have just read my latest distraction. You didn't have to read it, I just had to write it. Thanks anyway.
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How wordy people get trying to describe addiction, and yet, how damn simple it is when you are actually doing it.
I used to do a lot of drugs.. but the one that got me was heroin.
Rather than go on and on about psychobabble and trying to scientifically
break it down.. let me just give a few examples from my past.
A friend posed the question to me once.. his girl had asked him, after
I'd left their place, how I could possibly permit my life to be the way it
was.. how could I not notice how terrible it was. (barely eating, really
skinny, apartment a literal disaster, the cat that hadn't eaten in weeks,
litterbox overflowing. How could I not notice what shit life had become?
How could I deal with the misery?
Trainspotting got it bang on folks. The life of a junkie is SIMPLE.
My biggest worry in life was running out of heroin. Sometimes it was
a minor worry, like something you really don't want to forget to do because
your wife might yell at you. (You have the cash, you just have to find time
to sneak away from work and meet your dealer before you start withdrawl cause
you ran out at the wrong time of day) and sometimes it was a big worry, like
if I don't find some cash and get some heroin, I'm gonna suffer and be unable
to work until payday.
"Nothing else mattered." Now. Don't get it in your head that a junkie
has no morals, or a junkie is nuts and will kill people, or that a junkie
doesn't care. I still cared, I still had morals... but beyond all that, there
is the overwhelming fact: You need to have heroin, period. If my best friend
came over, or I missed dinner at his place, I felt really really bad.. realized
how fucked up my life was. But.. if the choice was between going into withdrawl
or going out with a buddy... believe me, you would take sitting at home fixing
up.
You KNOW you are hooked. And you do NOT like that fact.. but you have
no idea what to do. The longer you are hooked, the longer your habit takes
over your life, the more stupid shit you will do, the less anything else
matters. This is just a fact of life, like anything else. Say you were in
a jungle with no food or water. Finding food and water would be your primary
goal, no matter what other things you had. The longer you had to struggle
to get food and water, the less and less you would care about anything else.
Heroin is the same thing.
Now.. I quit. Cold-turkey. Why? I ran out of cash way before payday..
I couldn't borrow anymore, my life was in shambles. And I knew in the back
of my head all along that this couldn't last, that I had to stop. I left
town, quit my job, stayed with my family, got better. (Side note: The change
of location and environment had a HUGE effect on my physical withdrawl symptoms..
it was amazing)
You know. Heroin is God. It's the best. You hear that.. yet when you
do it, it's not really that spectacular. (A good joint is often far more
euphoric and interesting than just going on the nod on some smack). But...
when you are hooked, it's the BEST THING ON EARTH. Why? Simply because it
makes your pain go away. No more cramps, headache, disorientation, panic,
restlessness, racing thoughs, etc. At my peak, I would do enough heroin to
put a non-user out of commission until the day after tomorrow just to stay
normal for the next hour or two. Literally... loading up on smack only made
me feel 'normal'so I could go shopping, or to work (programming). And in
my life, from my point of view, that was the BEST I could feel. Normal.
I remember sitting on the bus seeing some lady upset because she had
an argument with her husband, another guy upset cause his boss was a dork,
another guy upset about his stocks. I would have GLADLY traded any one of
those peoples problems for my own. Their problems were petty.
Now.. Now I'm 28 years old, doing fine. Quit smoking a couple years ago.
I still drink occasionally, I still like a good joint now and then. Neither
of those things ever caused a problem for me.
And I've passed on the opportunity to do coke/heroin several times since
I quit. I know where that road leads. I don't want to go there again, ever.
People ask me "You are a smart guy! How could you get into shit like that?"
Folks, don't ever kid yourself, and don't think you are 'smarter' than me. You aren't.
A moment of temptation is all it takes. You know why? because.. the first
time you do some Heroin.. it's not bad. You don't wake up with cravings.
You don't go bonkers for more. You just liked it. It was no big deal.
And by the time you realize it IS a big deal, it's too late.
The "just say no" campaigns and their like.. they demonize drugs. But
that's not enough. They psyche you up to thinking drugs are so big and evil
and horrible. But if you DO them, you'll find they aren't. They're nice,
easy to do, friendly even. You'll quickly decide all that stuff you heard
was bullshit.
We don't have a huge drug abuse problem because drugs are big and scary, you know. We have it because they are so damn GOOD.
So.. on to the details Signal 11 asked for..
though I don't think this really helps understand them (to understand them you have to do them, but please don't).
What is addiction like:
Cigarettes: You just like to have a smoke, especially after eating, after
sex, and for some people, after waking up in the morning (not me though).
If you get stressed out, you want a smoke. If you feel happy, you want a
smoke. It's just something you do.. as much habit as addiction.
Withdrawl: Widely varies... from none to severe physical symptoms.
Cocaine/Crack: Never been that addicted, wasn't my drug of choice, but
done it enough. Cocaine, and to a much larger degree, Crack, makes you feel
just plain 'good' instantly. In large doses, there are other psychological
effects, euphoria, the 'Ringer', etc, but the main thing is it just makes
you feel GOOD. Clean and good. (plus stimulant effects, of course)
followed quickly by feeling about as equally BAD, which is why coke
users binge. Unless you have tons of it, you don't usually see people proportioning
out their coke. They do it until it's gone, compulsively.
Craving: Makes you feel good, instantly. Who doesn't want that? The
reason people feel good about snorting corrosive powder up their nose (not
comfortable) is because it makes them feel good.
Withdrwawl: depression, mostly just huge cravings to do more coke. Even
though I never had a real coke problem, I *still* get intense cravings for
cocaine if I smell cracksmoke, or something similar while walking down the
street. I recognize it for what it is.. but it's amazing how powerful a mental
association it is. I've heard other addicts talk of physical pains.
Heroin: Sedative effects.. drowsiness, sleeping, calm, warm feeling of
contentment. Quiets the gut, painkiller, withdrawl symptoms go away very
quickly.
Addiction: You want more, at first, just because'you like it. Later, because it makes the sickness go away, calms you down.
Withdrawl: Sucks. Often considered very physical and dangerous; can be.
I think it's mostly mental (only due to my own experiences in trying to quit);
the physical symptoms are mainly a side effect of the screwed up mental stuff...
but I'm sure there are physicians who would disagree.
Caffeine: OUCH! All I have to say is, I've seen a few people who say they are 'quitting coffee'and they get irritable.
I beleive I've been through acute caffeine withdrawl.. all I have to
say is it's the second worse headache I've ever had in my life.
Come to think of it, the first worse, which I initially thought was from
coming of a pretty bad Tylenol-3 abuse binge may have actually been due to
the caffeine in those little buggers anyway.
Sorry.. I know it's rambling. I should probably write A book.. I think I will some day.
I have to say, though, I feel a bit uneasy now. Thinking about all this,
remembering... it's difficult. I feel twinges of cravings I haven't felt
in a long, long time, just from thinking about it. That's good, I suppose,
to remind me.
Just say no is still damn good advice.
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- I have a question by epepke, 01/15/2002 07:20:53 PM EST (5.00 / 2)
- been there... by trane, 01/13/2002 06:01:47 AM EST (4.00 / 2)
- this works by niklaus, 01/14/2002 03:10:46 PM EST (5.00 / 2)
- Agreed. by Addict23, 01/13/2002 12:29:46 PM EST (4.66 / 3)
- Well put! by drquick, 01/12/2002 10:30:40 AM EST (4.00 / 3)
My personal experiences (3.60 / 5) (#43)
by ScrO on Fri Jan 11th, 2002 at 10:39:53 PM EST
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First,
my background. I've tried cigarettes less than 6 times (in high school or
before), smoked pot twice (16 years old), and had 3-4 sips of alcohol. Nothing
more than that. I'm 23, have tons of friends that drink and do drugs of all
sorts, and my entire family, both sides, have severe alcoholism problems.
Everyone on my mom's side smokes. I have plenty of opportunity to do any
and all of these things.
And yet I do none of them.
I am
a firm believer that addiction is mostly mental. I understand that with certain
drugs your body needs them after a while, but quitting in most circumstances
is simply mind over matter. I have never felt 'left out' because people were
drinking or doing drugs around me. After my friends actually understood my
views, they respected it. Yes, even my generous pothead friend that smokes
all day every day respects it.
Do I have an incredibly strong will? Yes. Am I bothered by 'peer pressure'?
No. Did growing up with smokers and drinkers skew my view on those things?
Probably. Do I look down on people who drink, smoke or do drugs? Sometimes,
but not solely because they smoke, drink or do drugs. Do I have a severe
aversion to these things? Yup. Has my severe aversion to these things put
a strain on my relationship in the past? Yes. Do I feel I'm missing out on
experiences? Not at all.
I suppose I'm just in a tiny minority who has no desire for any drugs, drink,
or smoke. Yes I drink things with caffeine in them, yes I eat things with
sugar in them, but I don't drink coffee and I can go days on end perfectly
fine without any Barqs or Mt. Dew.
I'm not sure what point I'm making here, but I think it has something to
do with the fact that personality plays a lot into addiction. Are addicted
people weak-willed? Maybe, but that sounds too much like an insult. I surmise
that most addicted people are that way for a reason that even they don't
know or choose to consciously acknowledge. At least that seems to be the
case with most of my experiences with addicted people.
ScrO!
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I've
never smoked, never did drugs, and only drink occasionally (although I'm
blessed with an Irishman's tolerance for Alcohol, which keeps me sane when
mere mortals go loopy.) However, I don't think I will ever start smoking,
not even try one to see how it feels.
I've had these weird, vivid dreams that involve me smoking. I can
almost smell the tobacco in these dreams, and I can feel the cigarette between
my fingers. It's very weird when it happens. And even weirder after, when
I still have these images in my mind during the day.
It hasn't happened lately, because I tend not to have dreams when
I'm not getting enough sleep. But just that little bit of weirdness is enough
to keep me away. What causes them? I haven't a clue.
Approximately 50% of us are below average..
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Finally, a good story worth discussing that isn't a high society very intellectual type story.
But anyways, my editorial problems is nit picky, so dismiss it if you
wish. I just found that, although it was easy to understand, there were
too many side-comments and things in quotes. This is a problem that I have
too, so dont feel like Im picking on you.
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I
always run myself into an infinte loop thinking about this.... It's a lot
harder to say no to a cigarette once you know how much pleasure you can get
from it. It's a lot harder to say no to some weed when you know how mcuh
fun it is. It's a lot harder to say no to a night of drinking when you know
how many good times will be had. Is it more intelligent to skip drugs so
you never have the desire to go back to them? Or is it worth the trouble
to see what they are like and to learn something from them? It's kind of
a Catch-22, don't want to take them yet want to experince them....
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- catch 22 by Trollificus, 01/11/2002 07:18:20 PM EST (4.37 / 8)
When
I was 17, I discovered I was addicted to something completely bizarre --
scratch lottery tickets. I can't recall why I bought my first ticket, nor
can I recall the progression of events that lead me to my addiction. All
I know is that 6 months later I woke up and realized I had just spent $300
on lottery tickets the day before, and in looking over my past records found
that $500 per week seemed to be the average. I stole money from my parents
("I'll give it back"), stole money from friends ("I'm just borrowing"), and stole money from work ("Hell, I'm under-paid anyway").
The day I realized I was addicted I stopped. Thankfully, this was lottery
tickets, and not something that left behind a chemical dependancy.
The strangest thing though was reviewing my behavior while I had been addicted. I stole
money from friends and family! (I confessed and paid everyone back) I was
spending 1 hour per day in a corner store desperately scratching tickets.
And somehow my brain made it all feel normal.
Terrifying experience!
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The
addiction post written on the 16th of September 2001 shows some one that
was ain a wading pool of addiction. Versus an all encompassing sea.
I mean no disrespect to the author.
Here is my story, first person present tense even though it was 5 years ago.
IT will be followed by interpretations of addiction
I'm 17, I am a nerd, and I am an honors graduate of my high school. I go to raves for fun, I NEVER do drugs.
<snip>
I'm 18, I am a college CIS/Engineering Major, and NT Admin, on my own, and I go to raves. I NEVER do drugs.
...
It is a beutiful sunny day at work, We have a client in for meetings, his
modem is broken and he asks me to fix it for him. I am working on it and
need to go to the analog line across the room, I do. On hte way back I trip
on the stupid phone line and fall; dropping the laptop!!!
$3500, to fix it <FUCK!!!> I have a grand. I need $2500 now. Todd and
Jenn, deal a bit. They get me acid to sell, 5 sheets (100 hits per) for $500,
now I can sell them individually for $5 a piece! boom $2500.
<snip>
a
week later it's almost all gone and I am set. One of my 'customers' says
my stuff is no good. Well I can't sell bunk acid, so I decide to try it out.
Todd and Jen and I are chillin' they have some to 'cause they've done it
before. Within the next 18 hours I end up taking 5.5 hits. (A normal hit
lasts 12 hours). I was just fuq'd up and did it cause it was there.
Later the second day, we go to a rave.
The lights are far too bright and the crowds too much. I tell Jen I've got
to get outta there. She says we can't 'cause they need to get rid of the
'beans' they have; slang for ecstasy. I say I have to go, so she hands me
two e, and say "This'll help!"
DAMN!!!
Did I have a blast!!!
I decide to do a little resarch. Merck 1913.... MDA... MDMA '60s... Seratonin.... Ganglionic Fibres... 2 mg per dose... HyperREAL GodSend!!!
<snip>
Three months later, I am doing 'E' every Fri, and Sat.
Then Thu.,Fri.,Sat.
4 days a week.
There's mescaline in the 'e' I'll do that too. There's coke in the 'e' I
can handle it. There's heroin, oh shit <snip> I am a heroin addict.
I have no job, I've dropped out of school. I wake up one day and I am sick,
real sick. I go to the hospital, I have hepatitis. I almost Die. I get clean.
This is a very simplistic representation of 2 years of my life.
I didn't plan any of this, addiction sneaks up on you. It slowly becomes
a white noise that drowns everything else out. You don't mean for it to happen,
and your barely notice it, that is why it is so hard to get out of it. It
is a gradually all encompassing process. And damn does it feel good, until
you hit that bottom and you realize you've burnt through everything, friends,
family, jobs, yourself, and your mind. All ashes.
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Do you really want to know? (4.47 / 17) (#30)
by jabber on Fri Jan 11th, 2002 at 06:14:55 PM EST
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Log off.
That's right Sig. Unplug. No K5, no /., no email, no games, no IRC, no computer
at all... Unplug all the cables, roll them up and bind whem with twist-ties.
Put the monitor and case in the most inconvenient place in the house. Swear
off the computer completely. And see how it feels. And see how long you,
you personally, can last without that tweak, without that hit, without that
addictive sense of belonging.
[TINK5C]
|"Is K5 my kapusta intellectual teddy bear?"|
"Yes"
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Coffee
is the only addiction I've every really experienced. I'm not an 7/365 drinker
who must have a cup first thing in the morning, but I've gone through periods
of time where I drink it every day and really crave it when I don't have
it.
How bad do I crave it? Well, when I try to cut back for whatever
reasons, I keep finding ridiculous excuses to have some. Just like William
S. Burroughs describes in his book, "Junky". Only his addiction was heroin.
I'd be driving back from the metro station in the morning and say to myself,
"That sun rise is exceptional, I must celebrate this fact by having some
coffee. Yes I must." Then I'm celebrating that fact that its Friday, then
I'm celebrating Wednesday hump day, then I'm celebrating the weekend days,
then I'm seeing a cool poster for Starbucks (must have more) and from there
its, "I must have some coffee because it makes me feel good, and I need some
cheering up." I have noticed that when I'm on an exercise program, I don't
crave it at all.
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Except
meth (how can you do something made from Lye and tar?), Crack (self explanatory)
and Heroin (too risky for moi.) But most everything else I've done at least
twice, and out of everything (Cocaine, Vicodin, even the Oxicontin that's
all the talk right now, when I took it I knew of them as low grade morphine
pills but whatever) the only thing that "hooked" me was cigarettes. I had
the worst time quitting, the most awful sensations. Regardless of what anyone
says, there are physical addictions to them, the first two days you feel
strange, light-headed, disconnected and surly...after that it's pretty much
all psychological.
I was smoking about a pack a day (and I'm young)
and have not smoked in almost two years, and I STILL feel it as strongly
as I ever did. It never goes away. Do I regret it? Not really, I think
it was definitely a learning experience, hell, I still learn from it. But
I know that while some of the others I can experiment with recreationally
so to speak, I can't even have one more cigarette, because, for me, one leads
to two and two leads to a lot more.
I guess you have to know your own weakness to be able to do what you want
and still be successful in life. *shrug* Or just enjoy every existential
moment is the other option.
-Q
-------
"To err is human, hence everything said, thought, written, done, and/or enacted
by said species must be taken with the largest grain of salt one might find."
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Read "Infinite Jest" by David Foster Wallace for some insight into the nature of addiction.
It's also a damn fine read, so if you are reading this, read that, 'cuz it's the best damn book I ever read.
CHIMPO
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- Infinite Jest by CokeFiend, 01/11/2002 05:56:46 PM EST (3.50 / 6)
- Two bookmarks by Driph, 01/11/2002 06:53:20 PM EST (4.00 / 2)
- Size by priestess, 01/14/2002 08:38:32 AM EST (4.00 / 1)
I
had my first beer when I was five (I drank my father's beer he had left unattended
and downed it entirely by the time he had returned) and drank periodically
throughout my childhood- just at family functions like holidays when I asked
for a drink and was given beer or winecoolers and usually had 3-6 each time.
(My family, including my mother, were alcoholics.) I began drinking on a
regular basis at 16, before school, after school, on weekends, and eventually
in school. (I was an honor student, straight A's, involved in many
clubs and activities so no one even checked my to-go cup filled with whatever
concoction me and my friends had made that day. I even turned myself in once
to a teacher because one of my friends had been busted, but she told me that
she appreciated and respected my honesty, so she just dumped it and let me
go.) This continued until I was 19, when I quit completely, no side effects
whatsoever, other than a lack of a social life.
I began smoking at
16 and quit at 18, but I started again 3 years later. I lived 3 years of
side effects that entire time. I began smoking not to fill a "void" but because
at the time of development, I felt I would feel more comfortable around my
friends who did. I think I must have grown into that behavior, because it
isn't so much withdrawal as it is a sort of relation to "phantom pains" an
amputee experiences years after their limb is gone. I felt crippled, like
something was missing - my crutch.
I smoked pot at 17 and did so quite
frequently- before school, after school, and on weekends. I quit at 19 with
no side effects. I smoked again at 23, but only as a social thing, and have
smoked some since then.
I tried crank, coke, crystal, and acid at
18, only as a social thing, and never really had any desire to do it again
unless the situation presented itself. I think I only did crank about 10
times, coke maybe 5, crystal about 5 and acid 3. I had a horrible trip the
last time which was why I quit drinking, smoking, and doing drugs entirely
at 19 and lost all of my "friends" in the process. I would never do any again.
I tried "X" at 25, did it about 10 times and would never do it again. I never had withdrawal symptoms.
I've
taken mini-thins since I was 16 and haven't really stopped. I cut back, but
have yet to quit. I do have asthma and smoke, so in that respect I suppose
it helps, but I have definately abused it on many occasions.
My conclusion?
Addiction is about feeling "normal", whether prior to the drugs effects or
after. This is why many people think that alcohol helps a hangover- because
it makes them comfortable with their state of mind.
Drug use is about
"feeling", whether prior to the drugs effects or after. This is why many
people have a drink to "go to sleep".
And drugs are an influence,
not just in "feeling, not just in "feeling normal", but in actually altering
the reality that exists and the one that you see at the time. Unfortunately,
the conflict of these two realities have effects that no one, even one given
a history of drug use, could possibly predict the outcome for another. That
is the test of intelligence, strength, and sanity. How well someone can deal
with whatever reality truly is and has become.
---"...I'm way tired, and way horny."
-duxup
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Try not eating sugar for a similar effect. (3.81 / 11) (#20)
by SnowBlind on Fri Jan 11th, 2002 at 04:06:31 PM EST
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Try
not eating ANYTHING made with refined sugar. That means if you are not sure
it has it, you can't eat it. Depending on how addicted you are, day 2 sucks.
days 3 to 5 are hell, after that you either make it out, or you are back
on the Snicker bars. Try it over a three day weekend if you don't want to
be seen as a raving lunitic.
There is but One Kernel, and root is His Prophet.
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- So true by valarauko, 01/12/2002 02:36:09 AM EST (4.40 / 5)
I'm
rather on the young side, have so far (until college) lived a semi-sheltered
life, and have always been apart from these influences (I've had very limited
exposure to cigarettes, my parents rarely drink aside from the casual beer,
etc). However, as I begin to explore the world more, as more is exposed,
its often extraordinarily difficult to come upon something new without trying
it. Strong background teachings and episodes I've seen friends recently go
through are really, aside from the D.A.R.E. program, all the knowledge I
have of this sort. Even reading books and articles on the subject, it never
quite hits home until people you can interact with start talking about their
experiences. It's one thing to read information from a magazine, it's another
to email a fellow k5-er about their experiences, and realize just how close
to home the stuff really is.
A post like this also helps you to sit
back and realize what -also- constitutes addiction: have I spent too much
time working/studying and neglecting my peers, or am I obsessed with this
new computer game? Not to belittle pure chemical drugs at all-- I don't need
to tell you about that :)-- but sometimes addictions can take place in forms
we'd never suspect. If you haven't seen it yet, Requiem for a Dream
is an incredible movie about addiction, through drugs and other things, and
really helps bring to mind a lot of what's being discussed.
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- compulsions by Signal 11, 01/11/2002 03:54:41 PM EST (3.50 / 6)
Excellent submission, Signal 11!
Rajiv Varma
Mirror of DeCSS.
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I know all about addiction; I post to K5... sometimes, well... Uh, say, 3-5 times a day...
And I keep CHECKING it and CHECKING it- Good Lord, SOMEBODY install reply EMAIL notification!!!
AAUGHGHGH!
pUt mE In REHAB!
K5 is a Disease.
=^_^= . o O ( Ek Onkar Sat Nam )
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Siggy,
you really have no idea what it's like, do you? I think if every one who
has a "problem" on k5 told you about it, you wouldn't really be able to understand.
Having said that, and having voted against this, I shall now make my attempt.
Consider it something you do every day, no matter what. You do it when your
liver swells, you do it when it makes your parents cry. You sneak around
and do it when you've told your significant other that you wouldn't. Of course,
every one of your friends is right there with you, and all of your lives
revolve around it. Sometimes, you try to work on something else, be it a
job or project for yourself, but you just get loaded instead and never quite
get around to it. Even after you've gotten in trouble, ruined relationships,
gone to work drunk in the morning more times than you can count, and figured
out just how much money goes there, you still do it.
Do I have a problem? Probably. Have I stopped drinking? Obviously not. Maybe
I should, but even with all the bad things it's done in my life, I still
do it. Maybe I'm just telling myself this, but I like it.
I like smoking. I like drinking. I like the feeling of being drunk. Maybe
it's because I was raised Mormom, maybe because I'm half Appalachian. Who
knows?
At this very moment, my girlfriend and I, who I love very much,
may break up very soon anyway. Alcohol has a lot to do with it. Will I quit
drinking over this, though? I doubt it.
Alcohol is too much of my life now. It helps me feel normal. It's who I am
now, and I can't concieve of myself with out it. So be it, I guess.
Welcome to my world, Signal 11.
----
/* You are not expected to understand this. */
Mother! Mother! Mother, I'm having a nightmare and I can't wake up!
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- No idea? by Signal 11, 01/11/2002 02:59:10 PM EST (3.42 / 7)
OK, so I can't admit to ever having been addicted to an illegal drug like Cocaine, Narcotics, or amphetamines. But I was
addicted to nicotine for nearly ten years, and most recently I became addicted
to Prednisone -- prescribed by my physician because of a disc rupture a month
ago.
I'll start with Nicotine: this drug is insidious. I've known
heroin addicts who claim that quitting cigarettes is worse than smack. And
I can say with certainty that it took me several years and numerous attempts
before I finally quit smoking. This March it will be five years without a
cigarette, yet I still crave smoking while drinking with friends in bars.
I still dream about smoking. When I smell second hand smoke I still want to smoke a fucking cigarette! It's insidious.
Prednisone: This is a corticosteroid which is commonly used as an anti-inflament
after injury as well as a common treatment for COPD (Chronic Obstructive
Pulmonary Disease) and asthma. Fortunately, I only took this stuff for a
ten day course, carefully tapering down per my doctor's instructions. But
my father took Prednisone for years,
and I watched it's side effects change his body via localized weight gain
(pretty nasty), as well as how it changed his personality when he tapered
down. Taking it myself gave me new insight as to how powerfully removing
a drug can affect personality. After stopping I found myself sleeping fourteen
hours a night, depressed, and always always groggy. I've been off of it for
about two weeks and only now am I starting to feel normal. This is nasty stuff. My recommendation: don't take it unless you absolutely must.
Cheers,
--Maynard
The
man of great wealth owes a particular obligation to the State because he
derives special advantages from the mere existence of government[...] Theodore
Roosevelt
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- Prednisone by nidarus, 01/16/2002 05:55:27 PM EST (4.00 / 2)
- Prednisone by rszasz, 01/16/2002 02:00:53 AM EST (3.50 / 2)
- Smoking dreams by HoserHead, 01/12/2002 01:00:29 AM EST (3.75 / 4)
Just smoke a few cigarettes, and you'll know what addiction feels like!
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Addictions in general (3.80 / 10) (#4)
by jd on Fri Jan 11th, 2002 at 02:15:52 PM EST
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You can split addictions up the same way you can split crimes up: motive, means, and opportunity.
Motive: This is typically (but not always) some kind of attempt at
substitution. The substance (or activity) is a replacement for something
that the person craves but cannot (or will not) obtain.
The basis of much theraputic treatment for addiction rests on this.
Sure, you can treat the physical stuff, but if the person still has the motive,
they'll simply return to their addiction, or find a new addiction to replace
the old one with. To treat a person completely, you need to completely treat
that person.
Means: This is the substance or activity the addict uses. There's not much more you can add to that.
Opportunity: Even with the motive and means, the package is not complete.
You need a flash-point - a point in which the person decides to act on their
motive, and make use of the means. There are millions of addicts in the world,
and millions of non-addicts who have had identical environments. The difference
seems to be whether that flash-point ever happened.
It's hard to define what a flash-point might be, but there are good
indications that it involves the motive in a context so extreme that the
person "breaks". There is extremely limited research on the subject, but
that what I've seen has shown that more people become addicts around exam
time, wartime, when a person close to them is terminally ill, etc, than when
there are no unusual stress factors.
One of the most amazing things I've seen over the years is the increasing
acceptance of addiction and the increasing reluctance to do anything about
it. It's not quite the same as sweeping things under the rug. It's more a
case of defining dirt as the new standard.
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- Flash points by Signal 11, 01/11/2002 02:35:29 PM EST (3.00 / 6)
I
can't comment on the other drugs, but I can say that the description your
friend gave of trying to quit smoking is dead-on right.
I think the
obsession part has always been the thing that has kept me smoking the longest.
You not only get used to the physical sensation of the nicotine, but all
the repetitive actions that go along with it .
As Mark Twain said, "Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times."
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Go read a story by someone who's been there (4.61 / 13) (#2)
by jep on Fri Jan 11th, 2002 at 02:05:20 PM EST
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This is a very personal account of what addiction feels like and what it does to you.
I remember reading it for the first time a few months ago. I've read it a few times since then.
By the way, the guy lost his job due to that particular post on addiction. But that's another story.
"Wow this is my first diary entry! This diary thing should be cool! I'll update every once in a while!" (See comment #4).
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The
physical addictions are easy (well, relatively) to beat but the psychological
addiction is not so easy. Also, people who get addicted to alcohol and marijuana
seem to be wired differently than those who don't.
Programs like AA don't treat the physical addiction. They treat the thinking that leads to the addiction.
Peoples Front To Reunite Gondwanaland: "Stop the Laurasian Separatist Movement!"
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